Isn't it just called a sow? (original podcast date 12-16-13)

After skipping a week due to Lady Razorback soccer broadcast needs (please try saying that aloud without laughing) we're back on the air with reviews of Bad Grampa, Escape Plan, and 12 Years a Slave. We're taking a short break from Trivia, possibly subbing in a movie screening before we return. Stay tuned.

We heard music from:

Blue Thunder, 1983 - Arthur B. Rubinstein
Elektra, 2005 - Christophe Beck
Drive Angry, 2011 - Michael Wandmacher

What a Toole (original podcast date 12-15-14)

Tonight we eulogized the late, great Peter O'Toole, who boogied out of this mortal coil on December 14, 2013. Then, just to make sure he was rolling in his grade, we played some ridiculous fare from "Ren & Stimpy" and the Rankin/Bass Hobbit film is celebration of an annual P-Jacks Tolkien movie. I opined my theater experience since it happened in proximity to other people, but otherwise we had fun talking about our usual fare.

We heard music from:

Lawrence of Arabia, 1962 - Maurice Jarre
"Rem & Stimpy", 1991-1993 - Various
The Hobbit, 1977 - Maury Laws

What killed both the dinosaurs and Arnold...?

(original podcast date 12-9-13)
Here in Northwest Arkansas, 1-2 inches of snowfall can bring the entire tri-county area to its knees...in worship of the fact that we don't have the infrastructure to deal with snow or ice. So, the University has been closed since last Thursday while townsfolk try and fail to drive on frictionless surfaces; we've been on glorious vacation, venturing out to sled or holing up in our fortresses of solitude, dreading the return to our white, blue, or taupe-collared jobs.

But our vacation is probably coming to an end tomorrow, and in any case we braved the weather to take advantage of a captive audience.

We heard music from:

Eight Below, 2006 - Mark Isham
The Ice Storm, 1997 - Mychael Danna
The Empire Strikes Back, 1980 - John Williams
The Shining, 1980 - Wendy Carlos

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The Riskiest Business

(original podcast date 12-1-13)
Tonight we discussed the much talked about and, it must be said, highly ironic death of Paul Walker who drove furiously into a pole and was killed. Of course, he wasn't driving, but likely complicit in his race-car buddy's showing off in a $300,000 Porsche. We had a few jabs about this, probably provoking the ire of a few listeners, but the bottom line remains that a 40-year-old with a young daughter died under circumstances that could have been avoided. The Fast and the Furious still sucks.

The Boom reviewed Thor: The Dark World and found it silly. Go fig.

We heard music from:

Risky Business, 1983 - Tangerine Dream
The Social Network, 2010 - Atticus Ross
Broken Flowers, 2005 - Mulatu Astatke

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Blanukkah Bliday

(original podcast date 11-25-14)
On the heels of Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, and Black Friday (so to speak) this week, we were feeling a bit festive. The Boom Operator reviewed Ender's Game, and found it surprisingly decent. We both took Hunger Games: Catching Fire to task for knocking aside the political message for a goddamn Twilight-inspired love triangle (a criticism that could be leveled at the books). Bleh.

We heard music from:

Black Sunday, 1977 - John Williams
Planes, Trains and Automobiles, 1987 - Various
Catch Me If You Can, 2002 - John Williams
Jingle All the Way, 1996 - David Newman

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A Thor in Our Side

(original podcast date 11-11-13)
Salutations and whaddup, beloved listeners. The brisk, pleasant cool of Fall has eased up a bit (dammit) while Thor continued to thwack the box office and the Boom Operator spent almost the entire time talking to an old hippie who was an extra on Zabriskie Point. It was a chatty show.

We listened to the following:

Dark City, 1998 - Trevor Jones
Fire and Ice, 1983 - William Kraft

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The Howling: Episode VIII

Woof.

At last we arrive at the end, or rather, the latest in this debauched, crazy franchise. Truly, this was a jarring experience. The Howling VII: Pappy's Revenge was "made" in 1995, one of only two Howling films made in the 90s, and successfully killed off the franchise until recently. The 90s were ill-fitting for this enterprise, so I can only imagine how it will exist in 2011 when the dist...oh, fuck me in the face with rabies, it's Twilight.

No, no, no, no, no. No. Leaving aside the hatred for a book/film conglomerate so universally hated that hating it has become a cliche, I can't begin to explain why the Twilight template of teen nyuuuhhhhh whinge-fiction will not work in a werewolf movie. This is actually something a number of other werewolf movies in the aughts got wrong (Blood and Chocolate being one example that comes to mind): werewolves aren't sexy or cool. Primal sexuality is part of it (if not the entire metaphor), but no one really wants to be one - it is not cool, fun, or hot to undergo a nasty-ass, hairy, toothy transformation, and The Howling: Reborn (not to be confused with The Howling: Rebirth, for Christ's sake) treats it like a sweet superpower.

Do I really need to recap here? I said it's Twilight, and it is. High school loser Will is a loser in high school, and since this is a movie, this high school loser is a 25-year-old male model who puts glasses on to become a wimpy, unnoticed outcast. What a bunch of bullfuck. Anyway, Will is sad because his mom died due to a werewolf-related mauling when he was born, but spends his time lusting after a total whore/bad girl. Then, um, let's see: there's a group of mysterious baddies who are obvious werewolves, just like Twilight; hyperbolic teen fic dialogue, just like Twilight; neutered monster effects and violence, despite the subject matter, just like Twilight; and a total misappropriation of a monster metaphor, just like Twilight. But the best part is that this movie actually makes fun of Twilight! Like, several times, as if that vampire tween crap is silly and for kids, but this, this is the edgy, serious, werewolf balls-to-the-wall supernatural series. Eat fuck.


I've seen werewolf pouches with finger-puppets, I've seen fur-orgies, mullet lords, and a horde of crackers talking about their chili farts, but this Howling movie was the most ideologically offensive, I think. To some degree, we'll always regard the schlock of the past more forgivingly than the schlock of the present. Objectively, this wasn't any better or worse than previous entries, and ranks as one of the most competently put-together of the bunch, but still. The werewolf suits are so so, but the transformation sequences are painless CG, which reinforces the notion that lycanthropy is a totes cool mutant power. Feh.

The Gaffer's Rating: 1.5 Snausages out of 4.

And that's it for this year's Franchise Follies! I hope you had fun watching me suffer through the bizarre ineptitude that is a franchise capitalizing on the minor success of one film by launching non-sequential, barely tangential direct-to-video sequels. I know you did, sadistic bastards. What surfeit of sequels will I unearth for next year? Only time will tell.