Tropic Thunder, despite controversy, is still retarded.

Howdy folks,

Saw me some Tropic Thunder this weekend and shoooo-weee was that a let down. It's a bummer how the sum is way way lower than it's parts. There's a good formula for a movie somewhere in here....I mean it worked for Three Amigos. Take a handful of talented actors, put them in a comedy about being actors in a situation that is like a movie but "real" and watch the calamity. The roll call was even pretty decent, and the acting jobs not completely terrible. Robert Downey Jr, Steve Coogan, Nick Nolte...all people I really enjoy watching on screen. Did I enjoy watching them this time? Not so much...and I can't really tell you why exactly.

The first 15-20 minutes were pretty damn promising, and I was getting my hopes up right at the start with the series of fake commercials and movie trailers making cracks on the state of Hollywood these days. Though, once that was over, things fell right back into the run-of-the-mill brand of humor that Stiller seems so bent on making. (Despite being way better at darker subject matter) Hell, he even threw a small creature. He's always throwing some helpless living thing that ends up being not so helpless and attacking him be it a monkey, small dog, or in this case baby.

For a long time I've wanted to just sit around making effigies of Ben Stiller and spend my weekends thinking of new ways to maim them...but I try to given him some slack and remember Cable Guy and Permanent Midnight. Why doesn't he make more movies like these? Perhaps it's easier to blow shit up, make goofy faces, make Jack Black run around naked screaming, act retarded (literally), and have harmless things become really dangerous. I guess that's what we all enjoy seeing over and over and over again anyway...

The movie only had me laughing during a few points, but the pyro and action FX were actually pretty fun to watch and the visual aesthetic was probably a huge saving grace for me. Also, I was fairly impressed at the performance of Jay Baruchel, who totally nailed the token nerdy guy in every war movie. Nick Nolte and Robert Downey Jr. carried this film on their backs as far as I'm concerned, and Tom Cruises appearance, whilst funny the first two times, became very old and eventually god awful during the end credits. However, I still feel that it was exactly the right move for him to maintain a career in Hollywood. Everyone likes someone that can laugh at themselves. Especially when they are bat shit insane.

I'm sure it will make a bunch of money, cause there are enough idiots in this world that instead of just putting in their special edition DVD's of "There's something about Mary", "Dodgeball", "Zoolander" or any other Ben Stiller churn out...they'll go see this one cause stuff blows up.


Also, be sure to download the podcast of Monday's show which includes the audio review of Tropic Thunder!
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Clone Wars Review

Howdy Folks,

This week I went and saw Clone Wars. Why you ask? I really don't know actually. I think that because I saw the original trilogy in my youth and it made such an impression on my development as a person, that I now have some obscene blood pact with George Lucas, despite wanting to kick his fat head and tumor neck with spiked boots. Yet I continue to consume each piece of garbage he peddles off as further additions to "his vision". This latest installment angers me not because it was completely unwatchable, because it wasn't...but more because it could have been the saving grace of this franchise instead of its death rattle.

Conceptually it seemed like a good idea. Why not make a CGI Star Wars movie, since 80% of the last one was CGI anyway? Seemed like a sound plan to me, and you can suspend my disbelief longer because the CGI is supposed to look animated and not just half-assed realism pawned off by Lucas and "his visions". However Lucas's visions have been reduced to simple dollar signs hovering over the heads of children like some perverted expansion pack of "The Sims", and Clone Wars is nothing more than a platform for more merchandise and product tie ins aimed at over privileged brats. The part that makes me guffaw the most is the fact that this plan could still work and Lucas doesn't even see the potential! These brats that are buying these crappy new toys just so happen to be the sons and daughters of geeky fan boys that are desperately wishing for a HALFWAY decent installment into the Star Wars universe. These are the folks buying the toys anyway, so if we actually loved the movie too, we'd be buying even more of this mass produced garbage. Hell, these same people still pay hefty sums for the ancient junk from the first series.

Toys and product tie ins aside, the movie was pretty bland over all. The voice acting was terrible (save for Christopher Lee, Anthony Daniels, and Sam Jackson) and I almost left the theater two minutes in when the narrator came on and sounded like a commercial for a new Buzz Lightyear doll. Don't even get me started on Ashley Eckstein "performance" as Ahsoka Tano, whose character was nothing more than an excuse to have a popular pre-teen celeb spout on about baby poop jokes for the young Hutt and giving cutesy nick names to sacred things such as "Skyguy (aka Skywalker)" and "R-Twoie (aka R-2D2)". Her character alone is enough to make you want to shove a lightsaber where the sun don't shine and hope you live through it to get radiation cancer from the whole experience. That would still be more pleasant.

This movie should have been great. Art direction was spot on, some of the visuals were just fantastic...but the execution was poor and it was as if they hadn't referred to any of the other movies before making this one. If you like lasers going "BEW BEW BEW" and baby CGI creatures coo'ing and burping, then this is going to blow your mind.

RIP - Duke of New York (1942 - 2008)

It's was a sad day in Tinseltown this weekend when the mac daddy of stuff in general, Isaac Hayes, kicked the can. Whilst best known (at least lately) for his portrayal of Chef on the show South Park, Hayes was actually a true pimp wayyyy back before this cut out mess catapulted him to cult status among legions of unknowing fanboys. In my world, Hayes is best known for his work on Truck Turner (1974), I'm Gonna Get You Sucka (1988), Dream Warrior (2003), and of course...Escape from NY (1981)
Kickin' movies aside, he really got famous for his work as a musical genius, and that's where he shines. He was a badass songwriter and had a voice made of gold threaded, diamond laced lingerie. We did a small tribute to him on the show tonight, and we hope you enjoy it.

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Oh and Bernie Mac died too. Sorry Bernie, you picked the wrong weekend to croak and got trumped by Hayes.

Mummy 3: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor Review

Howdy Folks,

I'm gonna try something new this week, as asking you kiddos to download a weekly podcast that's nearly 2 hours long seems to be asking a lot. Everyone says they "don't have two hours to listen to a free radio show" but then they go out and spend money and over two hours to watch terrible movies that are far less entertaining than hearing great music and listen to me poke fun at stuff. This time around, I'm clipping out just my review of the Mummy. So that way you only have to listen to 10 minutes of the good stuff, and I don't have to give myself carpel tunnel from typing furiously about how a movie made me want to choke people.

With that said, feel free to download the review below, and play the following game while you listen. It's called "What movie is this image from!?" and it's a lot of fun, you'll see.
DOWNLOAD THE REVIEW MP3
And if you're still too lazy to download the audio and laugh your ass off, then I'll just say that the movie wasn't very good, and you're no fun.

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Why must Jet Li and Michelle Yeoh always be pointing swords and stuff at people? It's almost as stereotypically offensive as a Charlie Chan movie...