The Howling: Episode III

 

Well, after the unhinged, whacky ineptitude of Your Sister is a Werewolf I had no idea what to expect for the franchise. The Howling III: The Marsupials is every bit the antithesis of its predecessor, so much so it's hard to believe both films share a director. Compared to Part II, this film was tame, coherent...maybe even competent. Oh, it still sucked a meaty mountain of werewolf ass, I'm just saying there was an orderliness to it all. The Howling III is merely a bad movie, unexceptional even in its badness. We've gone from hilariously stupid to blithe, easygoing stupid, and I'm not sure that's a good thing.

The story: The action has moved to Australia, where we find out that werewolves are actually marsupials (Yep. That's what I think of when it comes to werewolves, a fucking sugar glider.) descended from the extinct Tasmanian Tiger. So, there's that. A super-secret community deep in the Outback becomes slightly

less secret when a l'il honey named....Jerboa Jerboa....runs away to Sydney and sits on the first dick she comes across - an American chode who casts her in a shitty horror film. Oh, the meta! After lycanthroping on his wiener for a while, she gets captured by the authorities, and the whole world is alerted to the existence of werewolf-marsupials, who are now forced to flee, hide, or be murdered by the rest of the planet.

After this, things get...strange. Not a far-fetched, whacky kind of strange, but the opposite. The Howling III is only PG-13, so despite the lousy-yet-still-slightly-disturbing effects there isn't much gore or fearful immediacy to the film. The werewolves are no longer others to be feared or symbolic of pubescent primacy, they're just a group of outcasts who may elicit fear or revulsion once in a while, but are ultimately no match for the world of humans at large. Seeing things from their perspective, as well as the whole Thylacine angle was an interesting touch, provided good actors with a script could pull it off. Spoiler alert: They could not.

There's also a part where Jerboa gives birth to a tiny puppet that I found absolutely revolting. Other than that, I'm already starting to forget this one.

The Gaffer's Rating: 1.5 out of 4 Snausages.